135386

Joke of the Day

"Me: *texts* How'd you sleep? Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING."

"Drive-thru worker just recoiled in horror when I rolled down my window & she got walloped by a bucket of moist farts."

"One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked."

"A man just came up and threw milk in my face. How dairy."

"What did Sam say to the young Americans? ""Guess where this finger's going."""

"My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode."

"What happened when Cinderella got to the ball? She choked."

"What do you call a guy who has sex with bums? A hobosexual."

"Why is the middle east the best place to open a store at the moment? Because business is booming."

"How many aardvarks can ride on an elephant? Six... three on the back and three in the trunk!"