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Joke of the Day

"Jared may not get free subway for life anymore... But he will have no shortage of 6 inch or foot longs."

"Just watching that movie where Julia Roberts has a lot of teeth."

"This wrinkle cream made my balls look like some weird balloon animal."

"I'm starting to wonder if people just sneak into North Korea for a chance to hang out with an ex-president."

"My drug dealer really cracks me up. Ayyy."

"Me: he's cute, how old is he? Guy: 25 months Me: first kid? Guy: yeah, how'd you know? Me: because you didn't say ""he's 2"""

"I saw a poster today, somebody was asking ""Have you seen my cat?"" So I called the number and said that I didn't. I like to help where I can."

"[job interview] Look. First, you give me a job. Then I get paid. THEN I'll be able to buy pants. I can't just skip ahead to the last step."

"[preppin for rap battle] *pops retainer out* dont wanna give him any ammunition *takes off suspenders* that should do it *rollerblades away*"

"what do you call a black horse? a neigh-gro"