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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that's for sure"

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently more than 5, because my basement is still dark."

"Trying to think of something fun to do with the kids so I can Instagram it & look like a great dad."

"What do you tell someone who occupies space and has mass? You matter."

"Can we talk about your pleated, cuffed corduroys, or are we just going to let it happen?"

"In 2000 years, people will celebrate all this with chocolate eggs delivered by an imaginary rabbit. ~Time travelling me, to Pontius Pilate."

"I'm spending valentines day doing math homework. I'm stuck here with an eX, and I'm still trying to figure out whY."

"What's the difference between Americans and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture"

"What's the difference between dreams and memes? I haven't given up on my memes yet"

"What did the little cloud say about the big cloud? I think you're condensating for something."