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Joke of the Day

"When I'm pushing the twins in the pram and someone asks me if they're mine I say 'no, they're for my collection' and run as fast as I can"

"What do toilet paper and The Star Trek Enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons."

"I'm selling shirts for armless people called Ampu-T's."

"Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth? No, my boyfriends not gay."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."

"Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three? One of them can read, and one of them can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."

"Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he's expecting a very important call from someone in 1994."

"The best stories ever told always end with the words""...and then I got the hell out of there."""

"How do you know you are in a real lesbian bar? Not even the pool table has balls"

"Islam is a religion of peace. Piece of you over here, piece of you over there..."