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Joke of the Day

"I lovingly caress my belly. ""You're expecting?"" a woman asks. I smile serenely. ""Just ate an amazing burrito,"" I tell her."

"What do you call a pig with no clothes on? Streaky bacon!"

"I can't get out of bed These blankets have accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust."

"creating an app called Friends With Pools. It's exactly what you think it is."

"Bono heated and cooled his vodka over and over, filtering it to try and get the perfect taste... But distill hasn't found what he's looking for."

"What did Silicon say to Germenaium ? Got dope ?"

"I never feel more American than when Hulu makes me pick my ""advertising experience."""

"My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom. I asked her what it was going to do. I'm hilarious. Everyone says so."

"What is the one food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake."

"Longest English word: 'pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosi' Longest Spanish word: 'GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL'"