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Joke of the Day

"Facebook should change the status question from ""what's on your mind?"" to ""what's your problem today?"""

"My friend who worked at a movie theater died yesterday. Funeral services are being held at 3:20, 5:15, 7:50 and 9:10."

"I'm going to start making my own baby food... What's the best cut of baby?"

"When I get naked in the bathroom.. The shower usually gets turned on."

"Why don't women wear watches? Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove"

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches..."

"What do you call it when you drown a baby in soda? Infantacide"

"I was going to make a gay joke.... butt fuck it"

"Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend"

"If you work at the office in a police station... Does that make you an officer?"