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Joke of the Day

"What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs? ""Well, this was a waste of Thyme."""

"I can't wait to see the phrase ""He was the longest living member of the Baha Men"" in an obituary"

"Educated Twitter about to come and differentiate for us between an earthquake and tremor. We don't care...as long as there is shaking."

"I like my women how I like my socks Full of my jizz and forgotten about somewhere"

"Went to my first fight Club tonight, was so much fun, got there a bit late so I missed the first bit of induction. But wow was it fun! Anyone who is keen or wants to know more, hit me up for details!"

"Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner."

"I have a malaysia airlines joke but no one finds it funny"

"""SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?"" -- ""SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!"" -- ""SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?"" -- Wife: ""She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."""

"I always keep an old key and a map with random X's all over it in my pocket so that shortly after my death occurs a treasure hunt ensues."

"Bad is accidently sending your buddy a dirty sext intended for your girlfriend. Worse is getting 'lemme think about it' for a reply."