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Joke of the Day

"Two guys see a dog licking his balls... The first guy says ""Man, I wish I could do that!"" The second guy replies, ""Maybe you should try petting him first"""

"*mom puts a gummy vitamin in my mouth while I yawn* Mom, I'm 36. *chews it up, swallows* Adults are supposed to have 2 though."

"Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool"

"What do soy products and a vibrator have in common? The both substitute meat"

"A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane.. Cop: ""Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."" Driver: ""well I'm just beside myself."""

"What kind of yoga do you do in a casket? Decom-pose."

"What do you call a perturbed grown-up? An addled adult"

"I avoid all spoilers for the new Star Wars movie. I won't watch the trailers and... I refuse to watch the movie itself as to stay spoiler free for the rest of my life."

"What Do You Call A Policewoman Who Shaves Her Pubes? Cuntstubble"