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Joke of the Day

"A telemarketer called and said,""can I speak with the man of the house."" I replied, ""sure"" and gave the phone to the cat."

"Me: sorry I can't go to the farmer's market with you. Allergies. Friend: pollen? Me: hipsters."

"What makes the Japanese better than Al Qaeda? At least the Japanese were considerate enough to bring their own planes"

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician??? He worked it out with a pencil. ;)"

"You know what they say about a man with average sized feet. It's really easy to find shoes for him."

"I masturbate so much in the shower I get wet when it rains"

"My mom told me to quit smoking weed But I said fuck it I do what I marijuana"

"How did the Greek army separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar"

"If people in the US hate mexicans so much.. than why is Jose in the national anthem"

"Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat."