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Joke of the Day

"I hate you more than the guy that raised his hand after the teacher said we could all go early if there are no more questions."

"Mayweather's formula of victory Victory = (Hugs + Runs) * 12"

"*on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what's a TC? Me: *pulls plug*"

"Ugh, I can't believe our coexist bumper stickers aren't working."

"What is the best place for politicians? Election posters. There they are portable, silent and easy to remove."

"What do you call 16 white American people? A full blooded Cherokee"

"Twitter should offer Shkreli his account back for $10,000 and if he agrees say sorry and suddenly raise the price 5600%"

"I like my women the same way I like my guns... Black and oily with a sensitive trigger."

"So a woman was facing a judge in court... She was on trial for beating her husband with his guitar collection. The judge then says ""First offender?"" She says ""No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"""

"Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resume? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar"