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Joke of the Day

"My roommate broke my favorite Russell Crowe dvd, and she was eaten by a crocodile shortly after. I'm actually kinda Gladiator."

"Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge."

"How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on."

"What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB? They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again."

"Why did the libertarian cross the road? None of your goddamn business. Am I being detained?"

"The Mars mission should include an artist to capture the alien planet The art would be out of this world."

"What do triangles do in the summer? They tan."

"""When it rains, it pours."" -Shitty weatherman"

"What do you call the 1 yard line at the Super Bowl? ...A running play - Obviously..."

"What do you call a short clairvoyant person who just broke out of prison? A small medium at large."