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Joke of the Day

"My sex life..."

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"What did the rat say to the cat? Nothing, cats don't talk you fucking idiot."
"NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station ME: wow that's awesome NASA: you and your entire family! ME: oh ok no thanks"
"If I ever go missing, please put my photo on a Tequila bottle because nobody I know drinks milk."
"So, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs walk into a bar... and I got sued for millions because I used both of their names in the same sentence."
"What do you call a redneck virgin? A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers."
"How many white people does it take to change a light bulb? A brunch."
"Haters gonna hate Alligators gonna alligate Waiters gonna wait Jet Fuel can't melt steel beams Potatoes gonna potate"
"What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? About 2 inches."
"According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty..."