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Joke of the Day

"Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really? Yes I've been married twenty-five times!"

"*put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*"

"What's the difference between Caitlyn Jenner and two kids playing catch at the park? I actually give a shit if the kids lose their balls."

"I thought it was odd that there is a Bass Pro Shop and a Dicks in the same shopping center.... But then I realized Bass Pro does attract dicks!"

"Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: ""Beef Jerky!"""

"Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond? Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds Kid: well what about my name? Mother: never mind about that Richard."

"My mother didn't want me to go to culinary school. She said it would be a high whisk environment."

"What do balloons and virgins have in common? One prick and its gone."

"What do you call a dog with a great sense of humor? A Chihuahahaha."

"take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is hidden cameras and the girls are all talking about me."