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Joke of the Day

"regrets? [thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations] yeah i've got regrets"

"once while i was camping in Florida a raccoon got in my car and long story short if you see a raccoon driving a 97 Saturn Wagon DM me"

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"

"Met a cute guy at the gym we like all the same movies and he loved my shoes. We have a movie date tonight and he's bringing his boyfriend."

"Kermit and Miss Piggy never married. He has Kermitment issues."

"Justin Bieber is coming out with an 'Unplugged album'? I hope it's the microphone that they unplug."

"Weezer first to rustle jimmies? Say it aint so | ... (hint 1:06)"

"Best goldfish joke ever told Two goldfish were in their tank. One turned to the other and said, ""You man the guns; I'll drive."""

"There are two types of people in the world Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data"

"A new yoga student after his first class approached his attractive female instructor and said ""I heard you're into fitness..."" How about fitness dick in your mouth!?"