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Joke of the Day

"My wife always compliments me after an argument. ""I couldn't have married a bigger d!ck"""

"Usually takes me two or three tries to correctly aim the remote at the TV, if anyone was thinking of challenging me to a duel."

"The biggest lie ""I have read the terms and conditions"""

"What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday? I don't know he hasn't opened it yet."

"The insane really should be institutionalized. Trump for President"

"Remember when that really cute guy held the door for you at the book store? He doesn't."

"What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old."

"Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away."

"The word 'nothing' is a palindrome. 'Nothing' reversed is 'Gnihton' which also means nothing"

"(first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx."