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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend was sucking my dick...... My girlfriend was sucking my dick when she took it out of her mouth and said ""I don't really like the way dicks look."" I said ""Hmmm, it must be about taste"""

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? With Nazi's"

"Russian history in 5 words: ""And then things got worse."""

"Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth."

"The self-checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons."

"Accidentally picked out soothing paint colors and now my panic room is ruined."

"Now that Gay Marriage is legal in all states I can finally get married as a solid, liquid, or gas."

"Everyone take nude selfies now ""Keep your phone in your pocket next to your genitals and they're bound to get together and have a couple of drinks"" -Stephen Colbert"

"Fellas; There's no heterosexual way of taking a selfie."

"A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes..."