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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump's bid for the presidency. [See: username]"

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

"*sees cute doctor in scrubs* *falls over* HELP! I need mouth-to-mouth! Doc: ... Me: Aren't you obligated to help? Husband: GET UP!"

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"Why did the hipster seal die? He was clubbing too hard (its a horrible joke I know, please punish my lack of comedic genius)"

"What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today? Scratching at the lid of his coffin."

"Women's magazine Page 14: accept yourself as you are Page 15: how to lose 5 Kg in 2 weeks Page 16: best cake recipes ever.."

"When she screams ""deeper!""... ...but you already have a degree in philosophy."

"Snow White: Someday my prince will come Prince Charming: I swear this has never happened before"

"girls love us tall guys but as soon as we use our height to ""constantly slam dunk on them and their loved ones"" they stop replying to texts"