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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster seal die? He was clubbing too hard (its a horrible joke I know, please punish my lack of comedic genius)"

"They are giving free AIDS test at the DMV. The only thing worse than waiting in line at DMV is finding out you have AIDS."

"Today is International Women's Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready."

"What's Irish and stays out on your deck? Paddy O'furniture"

"It's surprising how little people change Actually the process isn't that different, other than the tiny clothes"

"Did you hear about the lawyer whose divorce ended up in a nasty custody fight about a dog? When the lawyer won the dog bit him."

"Someone stole my pencil sharpener and now I can't stab people anymore."

"5k mud runners I hate people that brag about paying $ to run a 5k race in mud. Big deal cause in Africa, that's called Wednesday."

"What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated"

"All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes."