107325

Joke of the Day

"No, I said I wanted to BING you on my kitchen counter. You know, the popular search engine?"

"Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck"

"Just been sacked from my job as a chef for stealing I've always been a whisk taker."

"Hello everyone, welcome back to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous... I gotta say I'm pretty disappointed because I'm seeing a lot of new faces here tonight..."

"Did you her about the boy that was born without any eyelids? They used the foreskin from the circumcision to make them. I guess you could say he was a little cockeyed."

"So I found out today that my diarrhea is hereditary It runs in my jeans Credit to /u/jdabarber"

"Apparently, ""Step up your game"" isn't the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are."

"Hey, are you a broadleaved deciduous hardwood tree? BIRCH I MIGHT BE"

"What Has 75 Balls and Screws Old Ladies? Bingo."

"You'd think atoms bonds would mean they were being friendly to each other... But, they end up stealing each other's electrons. Isn't that ionic?"