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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a van and a minivan? A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids"

"What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country."

"Me: So, hypothetically speaking, if we were dating would I get any free food? Her: Uh, excuse me? Me: *sigh* #1 combo with cheese, please."

"I never buy a new couch without first seeing what it looks like with five loads of laundry piled on top of it."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? If you slap the mosquito it stops sucking"

"[first day as a soldier] Army guy: we deploy at 04:00hrs Me: where we going? Army guy: to war, soldier Me [setting alarm for 10am]: enjoy"

"A koala is sitting in a bar.. I chopped him up and put him in there. I couldn't make him fit as a whole."

"I asked my friend from North Korea how he was doing. He just shrugged and replied, ""I can't complain."""

"I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA!"

"""I'm going to show off my new belt by tucking in my T-shirt"" -Men over 50."