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Joke of the Day

"Scientists say they are working on bringing back the wholly mammoth. But at what cost? ...per pound?"

"My penis used to be in the Guinness Book of World Records until the librarian told me to take it out."

"What's E.T. short for? Because he's got little legs."

"[date] HER: Any hobbies? ME: I collect old comics HER: Oh! Like 1st editions? ME: [flashback to Billy Crystal tied up in basement] Sure"

"I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!"

"When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets."

"What do you call a girl who is bad at drawing? Tracey"

"Knock Knock... Horizontally Knock Knock. Who's there? Horizontally Horizontally who? Quick, The *whore is onto me* hide me from my wife."

"How's Terry Fox like Jack Layton? They both tried to run a country and died before finishing."

"What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise"