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Joke of the Day

"Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt."

"Smiles from ear to ear. Wife: what are you smiling about? Our dog just took a giant dump in our neighbors yard Wife: God I love that dog."

"How do you know if an Asian has been to your house? Your math homework's done, your computer is upgraded, and that little twat is still trying to back out of your driveway."

"3 things I hate: 1. lists 2. irony 3. shitposts on /r/jokes"

"What is the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $10 to watch a garbanzo bean."

"Why doesn't God like grapefruit? Because he doesn't fucking exist."

"Birth Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.On arrival the nurse asks ""How dilated is she?""To which paddy relies,""Oh Jaysus we""re both over the fucking moon!!..:)"

"What do old men and the Niagara Falls have in common? Just receding."

"Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator!"

"My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is gettin' better!"