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Joke of the Day

"I heard that wordplay was illegal. Apparently there is serious PUNishment."

"Jared may not get free subway for life anymore... But he will have no shortage of 6 inch or foot longs."

"When Spongebob has sex he wouldn't make the girl wet. He would dry her up."

"I told my husband I'm pregnant. He said ""Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!"""

"here is no straight way to wash a cucumber."

"I went skiing yesterday. I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there."

"Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday."

"UGH. When I text girls that I have standards, I really need to stop abbreviating the word standards to STDs."

"I invented a new word today... Plagiarism."

"Did you guys hear about the midget that admitted he was gay? He came out of the cupboard."