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Joke of the Day

"Being a bigger account doesn't make you a better person. We're all terrible people. We're on twitter. I threw a baby at a fox this morning."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? They had to wake him up..."

"[at TED talk] OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor? *entire crowd stands* No a MEDICAL doctor *entire crowd sits*"

"A dad in Alabama says to his son... ""We entered this world from the same birth canal."""

"A really drunk guy... A really drunk guy gets into a taxi and says ""Heeeyy cab guy, can I leave the pizza and the beer in the front seat?"" ""yeah no problem"" -BHLUAGHH-"

"comedy jokes : ? , : ? ! : , - ! . : , . - 32/ - 6 8 . . . . . . . : , , "

"But is that likely? Whaaat __ You don't know Lee? Pleasant chap, though he doesn't fancy being compared to a butt."

"I would really appreciate it if everyone great would stop dying"

"In Harry Potter I wonder if Sirius Black's middle name is Lee..."

"Don't feed the animals at the zoo! You should better feed the security guard!"