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Joke of the Day

"recruiter: u should join the army octopus: buddy I'm army enough as it is"

"If TGIF means ""Thank God It's Friday"" Does SHIT mean ""So Happy It's Tuesday?"""

"I was in the car with my girlfriend, and I started hearing this annoying whining noise... So my girlfriend got out to look at the engine and I drove off."

"Noses and Boyfriends Boyfriends are like noses... People get disgusted when you blow them in public. Especially if you're caught without a tissue"

"I totally get your eyebrows. My bank account is overdrawn, too."

"If Microsoft releases a car... If Microsoft releases a car called Win10 . The same car would fit all size of drivers, from ants to Whales."

"The songs that make me feel coolest when I'm driving fast are generally the songs that make me feel dumbest at stop lights."

"After a shortcut through the ghetto, I see what the hood rats like to drive... Housing prices down."

"You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."

"I don't want to live forever... But I do want to see the end of the DFS* sale. *Insert regional sofa store"