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Joke of the Day

"You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there."

"Twitter is going to get very dark when we all get older and are still tweeting from our Alzheimer and dementia riddled brains."

"Hey girls, you are not a ""mommy"" just because you own a dog. You have to have a kid to be a mommy. If you are a mommy, then I am a dragon."

"Air & Sex - Joke Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"What happens when a cannibal decides to go vegan? They start eating vegetables."

"Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math."

"While sitting on the beach, 16 told me he is going to go under the pier with his girlfriend and catch crabs. They grow up so fast."

"Three guys walk in to a bar... One ducks"

"ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas"

"Dad: Level Expert Two cupcakes were baking in the oven. One of them turns to the other and say 'Wow! Its hot in here, isn't it?', the second cupcakes screams 'AAAaaaaa! A talking cupcake!'"