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Joke of the Day

"I have been working on some jokes about Parkinson's disease. But the punch lines are all a bit shakey at best."

"A Trump Irony How is Trump going to keep immigrants out if he can't keep protesters from crashing his rally?"

"""Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!"" - The Very Civil War"

"Why is ISIS going after programs? Because they are executable"

"adulthood is just eating a taco where the toppings keep falling out and then death"

"Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens."

"I told a rape joke the other day and a dude got mad. He said ""I hope you have a daughter and she gets raped so you can see how it feels."" Well I mean she'd have to survive the abortion first."

"Therapist: what's your problem today? Me: I have this constant eye roll. Therapist: stop reading your own tweets."

"Went to the hospital to wish a pregnant lady giving birth a Happy Labor Day and she ripped my throat out :("

"I'm not gay, but 20 is still 20."