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Joke of the Day

"Going to spend some quality time with my wife. Be back in 2 minutes."

"What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board."

"How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs? (Sorry if this has already been posted!) None, he fell."

"What's a sheep's favourite band? Ewe 2"

"Accidentally pronounced wifi as ""wifey"" and the hotel concierge said the password's helping out around the house and being a good listener."

"This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk."

"Any governments / terrorist groups looking to rule by fear should get some tips from spiders."

"Whats the worst joke you can play on an American? Two pies to the face and one somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania."

"""How did you sleep?"" ""On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."""

"The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang. It just says I can't get within 50ft of you. You wanna play catch or Frisbee or something?"