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Joke of the Day

"What I want for Xmas... I asked Santa for a sister. He asked for my mom."

"The tree and the wind. What does a tree say after it gets knocked over by the wind? I went out on a limb."

"I just microwaved my TV dinner & it came out fully cooked on the first try, so I'm basically a chef at Applebee's now if anyone's hungry."

"*flashes smile* *smile calls police*"

"Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired."

"Alone floating on a raft in the pool. Asked the neighbor to call my home phone and ask someone to bring me a beer. Work smarter not harder."

"So I had a dream the other night that I won $100K on a scratch off lottery ticket. Tonight I bought one and I won my $1 back"

"A car salesman says to me... ""Buy this car and pay no interest for a year!"" ""That's stupid"". I said, ""why the hell would I buy something that I'm not going to be interested in for an entire year?!"""

"Talking with a 17 year-old who is 'living life with no regrets' reminds me of that time I got in a shouting match with a trout."

"Why do women spend less time in prison than men? Because a period ends a sentence."