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Joke of the Day

"What would Abraham Lincoln say if he found out there was a movie about him slaying vampires? What's a movie?"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to do it before it gets cool, and one to talk about how much better the old one used to be."

"Jim: What shall we name our new playground invention? Roy: Idk. The playground business sure is a Jungle, Jim. Jim: ...Say that again."

"Everyone is making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow. :O"

"I recently joined the Klu Klux Klan I'm not racist, I just want to know the secret of how they keep their white sheets so fucking white!"

"What I learned from watching Star Trek: Nothing. I've never watched Star Trek. I am popular with friends. We don't do that."

"A man asked me if I could figure out how to operate a camera... I told him I'd look into it and give it my best shot."

"Last year I asked a girl out, this year I'd ask her to marry me but... the restraining order is still in effect..."

"When I see a lovers name carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"That Russian meteor footage is a nice reminder that we're flying through the universe in an organic spaceship with no roof."