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Joke of the Day

"To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present - They are due back at the library tomorrow."

"What happens when you go to the bathroom scared? A spooky dookie."

"Happy International Women's day. Or a sad one. Or an angry one. Or a passive aggressive one. You never really know with women."

"How can you tell when your girlfriend is too fat? She fits into your wife's clothes."

"How did the hipster burn himself? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"I tried to go to the brothel today but there was a sign on the door It said ""Beat it, we're closed."""

"I just won $1,000,000, and I've decided to give a quarter to charity. Now I have $999,999.75."

"Me to My Neighbour we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool."

"If you LOVE something, set it free.. If it comes back to you,,,,you love a boomerang"

"hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said ""hope we don't die haha"" at the same time and i jinxed him"