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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn himself? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"I'm glad that when you shoot, you shoot to kill ... because shooting to merely wound seems kinda mean."

"No I don't hate my boss. It's just that I wish his toilet paper was sand paper."

"I really was gonna jog at the park today....but I just found an empty park bench so I'll just have a few smokes and cheer the joggers on."

"What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver? The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green."

"Did you hear about that guy who got killed in a rice field by a hitman with a porcelain doll? Police are saying it's the first known case of a knick-knack-paddy-wack."

"Words I say when I sing along to Informer by Snow: Informer"

"What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Wheres my tractor?"

"Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine? The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!"

"If you're in a hot dog eating contest, poop on the table, and then while everyone is too grossed out to eat, just finish one hot dog."