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Joke of the Day

"We just hired an ex-con, who was in for tax evasion, to do our landscaping And I must say he is terrific at cutting the corners."

"I am a proud member of Grammar Nazi... And your not."

"by far the worst part of becoming an adult is realizing that at no point do you simply obtain all the answers. you just fucking guess."

"'Two can play that game...' -people who dont understand that's how games usually work"

"There's no sticker warning me not to eat this box of nails so I guess I'll just go for it."

"If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific"

"If you were 8 yrs old when ""red red wine"" was released UB40 now"

"Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says ""Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"" The other replies, ""Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"""

"I spend so much time alone I may as well just be ugly."

"One positive of Arnold Palmer's passing... He's six under for the first time in years..."