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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pedophile and acne? NSFW One doesn't come on your face until your twelve"

"I've got a dick like a baby 8lbs 3oz"

"Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song."

"What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheelchair."

"So, as I was bleeding internally... ...I was dying inside. (bad joke)"

"I'm old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy."

"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"

"Jesse James married my sister. He's know my brother out-law"

"Now I know why they call it Whole Foods. It took a whole hour to spend my whole paycheck and they can kiss my whole ass."

"Brazil - Germany Football Game Ok, I see Germany scored a touchdown and point after, but how the heck did Brazil get 1 point?"