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Joke of the Day

"Ebola is in Dallas? At least the Dallas Cowboys don't have to worry about it. They can't catch anything."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, feminists cant change anything"

"TIL Doug Liman will be directing an adaptation of the Passion story for 2017, with Matt Damon as Jesus Christ. Bourne is the King of Israel!"

"My Iraqi friend skyped me today Something hilarious must've been happening because I kept hearing ""Hahahahallahu hahahkbar"" and then what sounded like party poppers. Abdul sure is a mad one."

"What do you call a mushroom who strongly believes in radical Islamism? a fungimentalist"

"Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions."

"Why do jews believe in God? Because Isreal."

"[2015 Bird Awards] AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN (Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)"

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was *two tired*."

"Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President."