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Joke of the Day

"Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away."

"On page 24 of the world record book I'm listed as the men with the longest penis. At page 69 I'm listed as world's best liar."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Stuffed into a bag. Slung over the side of a mule. And brought to me by Juan Valdez."

"Why is it difficult to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message."

"What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common? Both of them smoke the leafs"

"I decided to put certified SCUBA diver on my resume. That way they know I can handle intense pressure on the job."

"If I meet Captain Crunch I'm going to punch him in the roof of the mouth."

"My new baby is the image of his father. Never mind. just so long as he's healthy."

"I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill."

"If Santa is black... and he is called father Christmas, that explains why children can't see him."