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Joke of the Day

"When the professor starts off the semester asking ""Why are you here?"" So I can get a job."

"Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be ""the dirty guy"" and no one will have sex with you"

"I don't really like my beard But it's growing on me"

"Honey, can we eat the nougat ? ""Is it really hard ?"" ""Yes, but can we eat the nougat first ?"""

"I was loving the song with the great beat in the lunchroom at work today when I realized it was the dishwasher running. It's great to be me."

"Marathons should keep going until only one person hasn't shit themselves and that person should be the winner."

"[zombie movie set] Director into megaphone: ""We're about to start rolling. Look alive people!"" *actors look around confused as heck*"

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear."

"So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid... but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants."

"In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said ""You're the Obi Wan for me"" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience."