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Joke of the Day

"If you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking."

"What do you call emigrates of Sweden? Swedouts."

"I used to think no one cared what I have to say. Then I joined reddit Now I know it's true."

"Why couldn't the dwarves renew their lease on the Lonely Mountain? It failed the Smaug test."

"Why are so many African Americans moving to Detroit? Because they hear there are no jobs there."

"People with epilepsy see the opportunity And they seize in it."

"Funniest joke you will ever hear. You."

"I hate girls who insert the phrase ""my boyfriend"" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend."

"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"

"I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on."