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Joke of the Day

"What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name."

"What did Matthew McConaughey have to say about the 2016 Oscar-winner's line-up? All white, all white, all white!"

"And the Lord said onto John, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"" But john came fifth and won a toaster"

"Fun Fact: If someone's car alarm keeps going off, you're legally obligated to set the car on fire."

"What's another name for an parent? Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist."

"100% of Guy Fieri fans drive drunk."

"Why is Diego's slogan ""Go Diego Go"" It was the last thing his mother said before she got shot by the border patrol"

"I was making Ewok for dinner but I cooked it too long and it was like, a little Chewy. -- (Wil Shipley)"

"Every time I go for a run I think ""why am I even doing this?"" Then I look back and see all the cops chasing me and it's like ""oh yeah, duh."""

"What's the difference between and egg and a wank? You can beat a an egg but you can't beat a wank."