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Joke of the Day

"How long does an owl live? About six and a half books."

"The best thing about smartphones is that you don't have to refold maps anymore."

"""Ok. Breathe. Retrace your steps. You went to the beach, carried that dude, stopped for Quizno's, got your hair cut..."" -God loses his keys"

"How many calories do you get from eating pussy? Depends on which direction she wipes..."

"Paul says to Jesus ""Hey man whatcha doing for Passover?"" Jesus says ""Just hanging around."""

"I hope the next Rambo movie is called 'Rambo No. 5' and its just Stallone dancing through the jungle shooting a little bit of this and that."

"Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!"

"How many pollocks does it take to paint a house? 1 to hold the brush and 1000 to turn the house!"

"The most sexist joke you've ever heard. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; give a man a vagina and you feed her for a lifetime."

"Some grammar Nazis told me about a seminar they are going to attend about cause and effect. They're there to affect its effect and it's there for their two affects too."