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Joke of the Day

"COP: So what happened? ME: He stole my watch & ran away down the road COP: Can you describe it? ME: It's like a big path that cars drive on"

"I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien."

"I heard Iran is supposed to do well at the olympics this year They're the bomb"

"My first time having sex was just like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? (NSFW) I'll see you next month."

"John Fogerty's ""Centerfield"" makes no sense. I'm pretty sure he'd fly first-class."

"What do you call a fat guy who jumps around buildings? ""Poor core"""

"Jesus dies for our sins? No, no, no... He died for YOUR sins. I haven't touched a goat inappropriately since third grade."

"Did you hear the one about the deaf guy? Neither did he"

"What do you call a guy who wants to join the mile high club by himself? A high-jacker."