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Joke of the Day

"I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long."

"Two muffins are sitting in a oven... One muffin says to the other, ""Damn, it's hot in here"". The other muffin says, ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!!"""

"HR said I'm not allowed to try to hang co-workers with an extension cord. Dunno what I'm supposed to use though, they wouldn't tell me."

"Question: If a King runs a Kingdom...& an Emperor runs an Empire... Who runs a country?"

"The titanic hits an iceburg and the captain says... ''I NOMINATE ALL PASSENGERS FOR THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE''"

"If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows"

"What do you do when you are riding a horse, and a cheetah and ostrich are chasing you? You get your drunk ass off the carousel!"

"Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh crumbs."

"Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie? They will ruin the suspension."

"Overweight people know they're overweight, tall people know they're tall, why is it that stupid people don't know what they are?"