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Joke of the Day

"Congrats on the wedding dude. A present? Na man, everyone brings a present. I brought a past. Remember your ex-fiance Jan? Jan! come say hi."

"Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!"

"""Of course I can paint your ceiling,"" Michaelangelo scoffed. ""Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dicks out on it though."""

"How much wood... ...could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris? *All of it.*"

"""someday this will all be yours"" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of the silent P."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... [Fill in the blank]"

"So a lady walks into a bar and orders a double entendre... ...and the bartender gives it to her."

"What have 12 legs six eyes three tails and can't see ? Three blind mice !"

"What did the visually-challenged gentleman say as he walked past the tuna stand at the open air market on a hot summer's day? Hello ladies. Warm enough for you?"