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Joke of the Day

"""Of course I can paint your ceiling,"" Michaelangelo scoffed. ""Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dicks out on it though."""

"What's the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak."

"What does the hipster serial killer do? Has sex with the bodies before they're cool."

"What do people in Arkansas do for Halloween? Pump kin."

"Hey, I lost my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Hotel. Hotel who? Ho, tell me where my money is!"

"Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn't make sense."

"Which porn video release are you most looking forward to? I'm excited about the next but one"

"Therapist has suggested yoga, for a calming, alternate state of consciousness. But its to much easier just to drink."

"What's Gordon Ramsey's second favorite movie? FROZE-- oh, nevermind."