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Joke of the Day

"Five. Five dollar. Five dollar (and thirty five cents sales tax) footlong."

"How does a Jew do the gardening? He moses lawn."

"What do you call a cheap wig? A small price toupee."

"What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'? River Derci. Sorry."

"My girlfriend broke up with me. I am devastated. How could you. I did everything. I surprised you with burgers every night"

"How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics? They take their prison population and school population to Rio."

"I didn't get groped by the TSA at all. We just kissed a little, it was nice."

"What do you use to find Greek restaurants? A gyroscope."

"Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me."

"The worst thing about being British with Crohns... ...Is all the the bloody shits you take."