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Joke of the Day

"The dishwasher is making a strange noise. Probably because she's outside shoveling the driveway."

"I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying ""at least I didn't kill anybody"" to like every person he sees today."

"[Breakup] Her: We're just different Him: How? Her: Well, you want to hike & camp Him: And? Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet"

"I bet you I could stop gambling."

"It's so annoying when you've already planned out a convo in your head and the other person doesn't follow the script. Learn your script! "

"Who's this ""moderation"" people keep telling me to drink with?"

"[donald trump wakes up from getting his wisdom teeth removed. his mouth stuffed with gauze] did i builded the big walls yet?"

"A farmer wins $30 million in a lottery A reporter asks him if he's going to retire and he says ""No, I'm just going to keep farming until it's all gone."""

"Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight..."

"I got really bored today and came up with this one... Who is 'Anonymous' and why does everybody feel the need to quote them?"