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Joke of the Day

"It's so annoying when you've already planned out a convo in your head and the other person doesn't follow the script. Learn your script! "

"In honor of the Million Muslim March... What do you get when you add a million lesbians to the Million Man March? Two million people that don't do dick."

"Do you guys remember Helen Keller jokes? What's your favorite one? I'll go. Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? She's a woman."

"Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945."

"Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite? Because it's soda pressing"

"""Mr. Trump how will you beat Hillary Clinton?"" TRUMP: I'll win NY, Florida, Ohio, we're going to add states, Gerzona, Timbaland, Waterworld"

"Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card."

"How do you make a Sea Lion? You remove an electron from a Seal!"

"Making popcorn for these Facebook movies."

"Someone wrote ""retard"" on my car window. Took me ages to lick it off"