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Joke of the Day

"Just thought about sex for the 100th time today, and let me tell you, it's definitely NOT the thought that counts."

"A girl asked me if I was a good cook. ""Does Meth count?"" probably wasn't the answer she wanted."

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm a snail Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!"

"I thought of you last night while I was doing the dishes. Dirty right? Yep. That's right. Dishes were totally filthy."

"My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend... We're the Suicide Squad!"

"Are we still burning witches? It's the 21st century. We should be microwaving them."

"I just dumped a pair of conjoined twins. I said, ""It's not you, it's you."""

"Mam: ""Which book has............ Mam: ""Which book has helped you the most in your life?"" Student: ""My father's check book!"" :) Like if you agree............."

"What's a buffalo's favorite activity? Grazing."

"What goes in long and hard and comes out soft and wet? A Stick of Gum..."