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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it... ...does a hipster buy it's album? Not mine but I love it."

"[first date] *pointing indiscriminately* ""uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam"" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees"

"What did they call the sad little fish poop with no father? A bass turd."

"If you turn pineapple upside down cake right side up, it's just cake."

"Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes? It would only admit one."

"My girlfriend said I have a good looking penis She said it was impeckerable"

"There's someone out there for everyone. Don't worry if you're alone, your true love is just having sex with someone else right now."

"best thread convo u came across Let em rip guys an gals"

"What's harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen? Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen."

"I used to date a moonshiner's daughter... She always made me lick her"