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Joke of the Day

"I bet there are at least a few seconds when a tiger is chasing you where you look back and are like, ""awwww..."""

"""McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"" In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work."

"Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech? It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine."

"I just had hip replacement surgery It's a really new procedure; you've probably never heard of it."

"I'm half-French and half-American, but I know my heart is American, do you know why? Because if it were French it would stop working!"

"Why don't pirates ever stop going to brothels? They can't get enough booty."

"If Mary gave birth to Jesus & Jesus is the lamb of God, then did Mary have a little lamb?"

"What do men and tile floors have in common? ...if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years."

"Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands."

"If Terminator had a horse, what would its name be? Termineightor I'll show myself out..."